20/20.

Feeling conflicting emotions.

On one hand I feel like I am returning home. After one full year away from KL, it's nice to think that I'd be able to go back and have some chilli pan mee, nasi lemak and teh tarik. As well as have a car. And air conditioning.

But yet, I've also feel like I'm leaving a sort of home in the UK. From the time I've spent in Manchester has been filled with lots of fun and memories. All the nights out, the traveling, the laughs with friends. And also the past 3 months in London. It may not sound very long, but when you've lived in a place and had to do the cooking/cleaning/grocery shopping/laundry it really does feel like home. More Manchester home though, cause I've never done any of that back in KL. 

I suppose I'm not really going home quite yet cause after just 3 days back home I'll be setting off for a 10 week Raleigh Expedition in Sabah! Community work, biodiversity survey, jungle trekking for 10 days straight and diving. Looks to be what is to be the most challenging 10 weeks of my life! 

Anyone who knows me is going to think that I've gone completely mad signing up for it. Me, who does not like doing any sort of exercise(expect dance, cause that's actually fun) has signed up to live in the jungle with no internet, no showers and no bed for 10 weeks. Even to myself it sounds a bit mad. 

But I feel like if I don't do something that places me out of my comfort zone now, it's never going to happen. People may think that there's plenty of time for all this traveling and volunteer work later in life. Yet I feel like many people get stuck in their working life, which they may not necessarily hate, but somewhere in the back of their minds they want to go out and explore the world. 

I guess I just wanna try living the simple life. To see whether there is more to life than chasing the buying of the next car/house/child (okay fine you don't exactly buy children but they suck more life and money out of you than anything else can).

P.S Seeing as I won't have any access to the Internet while on the Raleigh expedition, you can keep up with the going ons here

http://www.raleighinternational.org/ri-blogs/raleigh-borneo/

Also feel free to write me letters (the old school way!)

Loke Weng Yee (13K)
Raleigh House
PO BOX 14182
88848 Kota Kinabalu
Sabah
Malaysia

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erase everything.

Continuation of my Portugal trip.

Day 4

Next day we set off for a day trip to Sintra. From what I read online it is meant to look like it came straight out of a fairytale. It was quite simple getting there as we just had to get a train and then a bus. All in all just follow the tourists.

No photos from Sintra as it was pretty. But just very green in general. So taking photos using my phone wouldn't have done it any justice.

After that we decided to head towards to westernmost point of Europe. Just one bus ride away  (bus 403) from Sintra. They only run once every hour so we just sat in a cafe opposite the bus stop to kill time as we were too tired to do any more exploring. I swear that's when you know you're growing old.

Beautiful scenery. The weather on the other hand. So windy. We were totally not prepared for it.

Also saw this couple taking their wedding photos there. From Hong Kong I'm guessing as their photographer was speaking in Cantonese. Honestly I pitied the bride as she just had to grin and bear the biting wind. The moment a picture was done the groom would pass her a jacket. All that suffering for some photos. Beautiful things always come at a cost.

Nothing to actually do there so we took the next bus out to Cascais. Did some snack shopping there for out long train ride the next day to Faro. There was also this other group of Singaporea/Malaysians there who we didn't really speak to at all. The funny thing is that the 'kepoh' in us really wanted to and we could sort of tell that they wanted to talk to us as well as we took the same train back to Lisbon. Even walked the same way after we got to Lisbon, but none of us did. So our nosiness isn't that strong. Haha.

Day 5

Leaving Lisbon to Faro. Got to the train station quite early so we played this new card game called Fluxx which was quite fun but ended too early. And then we just went back to Famajoe cause we are all that competitive that we wanted to be the overall winner.

The weather in Faro was not what we signed up for as we wanted to get some sun and sea. What we got instead was really strong wind. The others wanted to do some sort of water activity and while I was at first reluctant, I got peer pressured into going kayaking with them the next day.

Kayaking was sort of fun. Easy for me to say cause I didn't actually have to pull my full weight in kayaking anywhere as my partner is an experienced kayaker who knew what he was doing. Thanks Justy! (If you're reading this). Andrew and Sonia fared quite well as well. Ashley and Cassie as two girls on the other, found it more difficult. So the lesson learnt is that always have a guy in the kayak. Got to lay about in an abandoned beach for a while which was good. However, we all got SUNBURNT! Basically the area between our knee and our ankle cause that was most exposed to the sun and also the salt water which did not make things any better. All our showers later that day were a painful affair.

That pretty much sums up the Portugal trip. Came back to tanned that my foundation didn't match me any more. And neither did the BB cream that is suppose to be two shades too dark.

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airplanes.

Day 3.

Mini day trip time. Well it's a mini day trip because technically Belem is still considered part of Lisbon but it is a 15 minute tram journey out from the city centre. Some of the trams in Lisbon are still the old ones which were small and open aired so thankfully we managed to catch a newer tram which had more space as well as the all important air-cond.

Exterior of Jeronimos Monastery.

Sometimes I wonder who really appreciates all the figures carved out. Some of them are so high up that you'd need a crane or super zoomed camera to even try and figure out who it is. 

Really like these inner courtyards that European places seem to have.

Tomb of Vasco da Gama. 

Woohoo for remembering parts of Sejarah. 

After wandering around a little inside the monastery it was time for the highlight of the trip! Well sort of. Portuguese egg tarts are also known as Pasteis de Belem as the recipe was created by the monks of the Jeronimos Monastery. The recipe used today in the store is the one that the monks made years ago, though unfortunately the monks no longer make it. Can't remember who asked me this, but someone (my mum I think) asked me whether I could see the monks in their robes using wood ovens to make the egg tarts. Haha. I wish it was that authentic. The egg tarts are now made in a shop just down the road from the monastery which opens from 8am till 12am because they are just that popular. 

The one and only. 

Usually packed as a box of six. 

Pretty good. The shell was crispy while the insides were soft and not too sweet.

Though for 1.20euro I did expect something a little bigger. 

Also they give you little packets of cinnamon and icing sugar which you sprinkle on top. It does make a subtle taste difference. 

We also went to check out the Belem Tower which was use to protect the sea front. It was just okay, nothing too special in my opinion. 

After that we were off to the No 1. rated attraction of Lisbon. The Ocenarium. The concept is like an aquarium where you see sea life all around but the difference is that the habitat is built on top of the ocean and so the structure inside is meant to simulate the ocean where species are not really separated. There are different sections for different species but all the tanks link back to the central tank.

There really is a lot to see in there if you are interested in sea life. However, I am not much of a nature fan so here are just a few of the things I liked about it. 

Penguins! Cute furry animals are always a plus. 

Otters. Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep so that they won't float away from each other? It's true! Cause we spent a good 15 minutes just watching this pair of otters sleep. And when they started floating apart, one would wake up and 'roll' back to hold hands. 

We saw that. And you could just hear everyone watching go awwww. 

Glow in the dark jellyfish. So prettyyy. 

On the way to the exit, there was a video playing about the maintenance of the oceanarium. The amount of work and effort that goes into maintaining it is just more than you could imagine. Every hour they have to check the ph and oxygen levels of the water. That's every hour for 24 hours a day. Also the staff pretty much hand feed a lot of the animals so each animal has a routine of knowing exactly which section to go to for good. Interestingly sharks don't get fed every day, just twice a week. 

And that was all for day 3. 

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fallout.

Time to catch up!

Portugal trip! Overall the timing of the trip was sort of good and not so good at the same time. Good in the sense that it wasn't peak tourist time yet so it was not as crowded. Bad that we had planned for the second half of the trip to be beach time but when we did get to the beach, it was cold and windy. Whereas when we were in the city it was soooo hot.

Day 1.

Got into Lisbon early enough that we had to make our way out of the airport and have lunch before being able to collect the keys to our apartment. Since there was 6 of us it worked out to be the same price as staying in a hostel, about 17euros a night. Found the apartment on homeaway and it was really nice. Fully air-conditioned which was a major plus point and everything in it was new. However, the area that it was in was not exactly where all the touristy things were so some traveling out was required, also since it was more locals in the area we did at times feel out of place.

*Link to the apartment* if anyone should be interested.

Lunch was at a restaurant called Portvgalia on Caroline's recommendation for the best cheesecake. The restaurant is actually a chain but the original was just down the road from where we were staying so that was convenient.

Traditional Portuguese dish.

Made of salted cod fish, onions and eggs.

Overall not bad but a lot oilier than I would have liked.

The cheesecake was indeed very good.

Super light, it felt like it was made of whipped cream. 

Didn't do any sightseeing on the first day cause we were too tired and it was to hot. So we decided that making dinner in would be better since we could enjoy the air-cond. Haha. 

And as we went grocery shopping, we discovered that wine is unbelievably cheap. Like you can get a bottle of wine for ONE euro. How can a bottle of wine cost so little!

Our dinner for the night.

Cooking really is the best way to save money on a holiday.

All that food plus what we got for breakfast only cost each person 5 euros. 

Then we spent the rest of the night finishing up the bottle of wine while playing this new card game. Which is super super fun. Much thanks to Andrew for teaching it to us. The downside of the game is that it must be played with a specific deck of cards that originate from Austria. But the game is soooo addicting that we wound up playing it every night and even on the floor while waiting for our train. 

The name of the game is Farmajo and the best skill to have in the game is the skill of reading people. Not that easy to explain out in words but the basic concept is that before each round you have to make a prediction of how many hands you will win. If you make the prediction you get a bonus of 10points. The cards are evenly divided up between the people playing so if each person has 10 cards then there are 10 hands to play. Biggest card wins the hand. So sometimes it's possible to win more hands that your prediction in which case you lose out. 

We all got so addicted that when we did get back of Portugal, we all went online in search for a set of cards. And finally found a site selling them at http://tarock.net/store.htm . About 15 US dollars for a pack of cards so not exactly cheap but considering it's so hard to find. 

Day 2.

Went for the Lisbon Chillout Free Tour the next day. While it was good, I have to say that if you go to a city that runs Sandeman's New Europe tours then do those instead. Their tour guides are usually young people who are guides as a supplement to their 'day job' like they're students or something. So for some reason they are more passionate and enthusiastic. Whereas I've found that tour guides that do tours as their fulltime job sometime lose their steam and while they may be entertaining and informative you do get a tired vibe from them. 

One place that we passed in our tour that I would definitely have liked to visit should I return to Lisbon is this place,

The Jose Saramago musuem. 

I didn't even know he was Portuguese but the tour guide did bring us past the museum because a) That's his favourite author and b) He's one of the few Portuguese Nobel Prize in Literature winners.

I've only read one of his books. Blindness. One of his most famous works which is about a modern day society that is suddenly struck down by a contagious case of blindness. Interesting look on how society breaks down and how those who remaining who do have sight treat those who don't.

Ended the tour somewhere near St. George's Castle which had a great view. 

It was quite a climb up though. Lisbon is very very very hilly. 

Went to St George's Castle after that. Saw that there was a free tour in an hour from when we got there so we decided to just chill out and have an ice cream under the trees. It was just too hot to want to feel rushed so it was a very chillax time. Considering it was a free tour it was pretty good as the woman who gave a tour is an archaeologist herself so you could hear her interest in the things she was talking about. Did learn that the castle use to belong to the Moors (basically Muslims) and that the castle was built in a very tactical manner. The main entrance was made a sort of maze whereby the right path would have required the attacking troops to have their shields on the outside making them susceptible to arrows or hot oil coming down from above. 

Remains of the dwellings within the castle.

Seeing as it was too early for dinner, we decided to have a little snack! Portuguese egg tarts. Which most of us would have eaten before if you've been to Macau. But of course it was the Portuguese who ruled Macau so it's their recipe and not something the Chinese came up with. 

Good but a bit too sweet. 

Just from a random pastry shop we came across as we wanted to have something to compare with when we went to taste the original one from Belem. 

Had that while sitting on the steps near the sea where loads of other people were just sitting around enjoying the sun and sea breeze. Ah the chillout-ness that can only be found in Europe. I swear these kind of things would never happen in Asia. 

Dinner at some random restaurant and that was the end of our second day out. Of course it just meant we were done walking around and went back to play Farmajo again. 

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incentive.

This may seem like a really strange blogpost/question, but just wanna get my thoughts out.

The question: Would you want to die before or after your significant other?

I don't mean now. But say in the future when you're both old and nearing the end. Someone will always have to go first. Unless you make a suicide pact (not recommended, someone might chicken out) or by chance you're both involved in a freak accident and die instantly (preferably not as I'd like to have some notice). Yes maybe I am a bit young to be thinking of such things, but that's just the way my mind works. Deal with it.

So if you had the choice, would you want to go first?

Let's look at both sides of the coin.

Your SO dies first. 
Where does that leave you? ALONE. That's where it leaves you. And while there's that ever popular quote that I've seen/used a lot "Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely", let's be honest here. If you and your SO have been together for more than half your life, being alone is gonna be kinda tough. Having shared your life with someone means that a lot of things changed. From the simple tasks of buying groceries to the more complicated of holiday/family time. Now that you're accustomed to planning for the life of two, going back to the life of one is a lot more difficult. Sometimes it's not hard to see why people end up being a serial monogamist.

Let's also address the period of time before you have to relearn being alone. Let's call it the adjustment period. Not only do you have to plan the funeral (or hopefully instructions will have been in the will), you also have to deal with the rest of the world. All the people who will come up to you offering their condolences when your own thoughts are difficult enough to handle without other people wanting conversation(or rather a reply of any kind). And those are just the people you know. What about the strangers? Just when you think you're managing the grief okay, the land line is gonna ring with some credit card person calling to ask whether your SO would be interested in their new platinum/gold/silver/bronze/someotherpreciousmetal card. Memories are then sparked as you try to tell the person on the other line that the person they're looking for is dead.

As you take baby steps back into the world of singledom, it also means sorting through their stuff. Their favourite Tshirt that they always wear despite the fact that it's so faded, their favourite book/game/hobby item or even just their pile of junk that they constantly promised to throw out. Are these things you will keep as memories or will it be easier to just let go?

You die first.
Now your SO experiences the situation above. Perhaps it might be easier to deal with if you were truly dead as a doornail having been buried six feet under (or cremated cause land isn't cheap) slowly decomposing away with no thoughts no feelings no memories. So you won't know about the suffering that your SO is going through.

On the other hand, what if you're up in heaven? Will you somehow remain ignorant of the fact that while you in a happy happy joy joy mood that your SO is being sad and alone down on Earth? But then, how can you be happy when the person you have loved for so long is not only not by your side, but also devastated by your death.

Also, would you want your SO to move on with their lives and be open to finding someone new. Or would you rather have them missing you everyday of their lives till the day you are both together again. In my opinion, this really depends on how long more they have left. If they're old and nearing the end, I'd hope for them to stay faithful to me/my memory. However if they still have a good number of years left (more than five), I'd be okay with them moving on if it makes them happy.

My choice?
Definitely me after. I'd rather not list my reasons for fear or seeming overly sentimental or weird.

P.S This is all under the assumption that you and your SO still love each other. Cause if you hate each other then clearly that is a different scenario altogether.

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take me down.

Exam time. Stress.

I'd like to think that I'm a person who deals with stress quite well and doesn't like freak out or anything.

However, I've realised that I do stress out. And it definitely does affect me. Mainly, it affects my appetite.

I remember leaving high school being slightly on the chubbier side. Not saying I was fat or anything, but considering my severe lack of height, I didn't look as skinny as I would have liked (typical girl who is never happy with her weight). So there I was, leaving high school at 51kg. Fine, that's not that heavy. But if you see me enough you'd realise that the first place that fattens up whenever I put on weight is my face. MY FACE IS A MOON. While it is the first place the weight goes, it is also the last place it leaves. Hence my face is always round.

Throughout the Alevel period, without even me noticing it, I lost quite a bit of weight. By quite a bit I mean that I was down to 45kg with no dieting or starving myself. It's just that my appetite decreased.

And today, I haven't felt hungry at all. I've consumed a total of four dark chocolate digestive biscuits, one stringcheese thing, one bowl of soup and now two "laiwong pao"s.

Sometimes I feel that I eat more out of habit rather than actually being hungry. 

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superheroes.

Just watched this last night and I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would.

Who knew watching an animated film about 'imaginary characters' would be so entertaining?

One thing that was important in the film was the concept of believing. Believing and having faith that somewhere out there were characters who would bring joy and wonder to all the little children in the world. That to children it was what keeps them childlike.

And that left me wondering, when do we grow up?

When is it that we realise that the world isn't all about sweet dreams and presents and fun? When do we give up on our dreams in pursuit of more 'practical' paths? 

I am pretty sure that there are little to no children out there who when asked "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" will answer with investment banker or accountant. These are jobs that have been created over time because someone decided that it'd be a great way to overcharge people for services that they could carry out themselves. 

When I was a kid, I used to have this book called "I want to be the President" I think. At one point in my life I would actually say that I wanted to grow up to be the President. Then as I grew up I thought it was impossible cause I wasn't American and also cause I was a girl. For some reason there was just this stigma that women couldn't be in roles of leadership cause it was meant to be the man's job.

While I'm pretty certain I wouldn't actually have wanted to be the President when I grew older, that is an example of how dreams of a child can be crushed so easily due to society's 'rules'. 'Rules' that say money is more important than being happy, that your reputation is more important than being honest to yourself. 

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snowman.

Caffeine kick.

I've never been one to say I must have a cup of coffee every morning. I know many people who need their caffeine kick in the morning before they do anything otherwise they just don't function well. But since I don't feel that caffeine affects me that much since I can still pretty much sleep soundly even after having a cup of coffee or multiple cups of tea, I never really understood this caffeine kick.

However, I think today is the first time ever I drank coffee because I was hoping for a caffeine kick. I had an exam in the morning and since I haven't been waking up early for the past weeks, I knew that it would be difficult for me to focus on the exam. So first thing I did was make myself a cup of coffee in hopes that it would jolt my brain awake for long enough.

And it worked! Caffeine takes about 45 minutes to kick in and is meant to last between 2-4 hours. My exam was at 9.45am and I think those numbers are more or less accurate as I had my coffee at half 8 and by the end of the exams I could feel that my brain had slowed down a little in comparison to the start of the exam where I wrote my essays pretty quickly.

Has this converted me to a daily coffee drinker though?

Nahh. Other than exams and assignments I don't think I need to give my brain that kick on a daily basis. Well at least not now, maybe when I start working.

If you're wondering how I prefer to take my coffee?

Black with two sugars.

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