2014

So the end is nigh. The end of 2014 that is.

I see that everyone is doing a summary/recap of how their 2014 went. As for me? Far too much has happened in the space of a year that I'm not going to try and list out every single event.

However I will say that 2014 has been quite the roller coaster. I feel like I've learnt so much in just this one year. Sure it may not be the traditional things like studies seeing as I've been taking my post uni gap year. But the experiences of doing something else in life besides just studying and working really are quite valuable. If not for personal development at least they make for great conversation.

I'm not much of a non-fiction reader and this past year I haven't been reading as much as I used to but the books that I have picked up are geared more towards the factual side. For some reason I find it harder to get lost in fictional books as much as I used to. The psychological analysis for that would probably be that I am not so eager to get away from real life as much. Probably true, but I digress.

My main point was to recommend a book that I believe everyone should read. Especially if you are an introvert. It's called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking  No it's not one of those self help books that is meant to change your life. But I think it's a good read for everyone to understand people a little bit more. I am definitely an introvert by nature. Yet I've found in the past year that the first impression I give off has been that of an extrovert! The book talks about how many introverts in life will slowly learn to be what is known as a pseudo-extrovert. Someone who changes to a more extroverted nature because that is what society is more welcoming off. Definitely has happened to me. While I believe introverts should read to book just so you can feel less out of place in the world, it's the extroverts who would benefit more from it I think. For them to understand that when someone just wants to stay at home by themselves doing their own thing, it's not because they are getting old and boring but because they just need to recharge.

All that aside, one thing for sure is that I am definitely getting better at this life thing. 

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say something.

Happy New Year one and all!

How weird is it to think that it's already a new year. 2013 was quite a year for me. Yes graduating from uni was quite a big thing but yet at the same time so much else happened last year like eating at my first ever Michelin starred restaurant and going to live in the jungle for 10 weeks.

I suppose I'm going to slowly catch up with all my backlog cause even though I may be blogging about things that happened some time ago, it's better than not noting it down at all. Even if no one else is interested in it, I'll be able to look back on it in years to come. One thing that I do from time to time is read my old blog posts (not all at once), just random posts and it just feels so weird to read about my life in the past that it doesn't quite feel like mine.

It's those times that you think you're never gonna forget when they happen but a year down the road it's almost wiped from your memory because more pressing matters are arisen. So being able to read about it five years in the future makes it seem like you're reading about someone else's life.

Or maybe that's just me.

Anyhow, more blog posts to come!

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20/20.

Feeling conflicting emotions.

On one hand I feel like I am returning home. After one full year away from KL, it's nice to think that I'd be able to go back and have some chilli pan mee, nasi lemak and teh tarik. As well as have a car. And air conditioning.

But yet, I've also feel like I'm leaving a sort of home in the UK. From the time I've spent in Manchester has been filled with lots of fun and memories. All the nights out, the traveling, the laughs with friends. And also the past 3 months in London. It may not sound very long, but when you've lived in a place and had to do the cooking/cleaning/grocery shopping/laundry it really does feel like home. More Manchester home though, cause I've never done any of that back in KL. 

I suppose I'm not really going home quite yet cause after just 3 days back home I'll be setting off for a 10 week Raleigh Expedition in Sabah! Community work, biodiversity survey, jungle trekking for 10 days straight and diving. Looks to be what is to be the most challenging 10 weeks of my life! 

Anyone who knows me is going to think that I've gone completely mad signing up for it. Me, who does not like doing any sort of exercise(expect dance, cause that's actually fun) has signed up to live in the jungle with no internet, no showers and no bed for 10 weeks. Even to myself it sounds a bit mad. 

But I feel like if I don't do something that places me out of my comfort zone now, it's never going to happen. People may think that there's plenty of time for all this traveling and volunteer work later in life. Yet I feel like many people get stuck in their working life, which they may not necessarily hate, but somewhere in the back of their minds they want to go out and explore the world. 

I guess I just wanna try living the simple life. To see whether there is more to life than chasing the buying of the next car/house/child (okay fine you don't exactly buy children but they suck more life and money out of you than anything else can).

P.S Seeing as I won't have any access to the Internet while on the Raleigh expedition, you can keep up with the going ons here

http://www.raleighinternational.org/ri-blogs/raleigh-borneo/

Also feel free to write me letters (the old school way!)

Loke Weng Yee (13K)
Raleigh House
PO BOX 14182
88848 Kota Kinabalu
Sabah
Malaysia

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incentive.

This may seem like a really strange blogpost/question, but just wanna get my thoughts out.

The question: Would you want to die before or after your significant other?

I don't mean now. But say in the future when you're both old and nearing the end. Someone will always have to go first. Unless you make a suicide pact (not recommended, someone might chicken out) or by chance you're both involved in a freak accident and die instantly (preferably not as I'd like to have some notice). Yes maybe I am a bit young to be thinking of such things, but that's just the way my mind works. Deal with it.

So if you had the choice, would you want to go first?

Let's look at both sides of the coin.

Your SO dies first. 
Where does that leave you? ALONE. That's where it leaves you. And while there's that ever popular quote that I've seen/used a lot "Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely", let's be honest here. If you and your SO have been together for more than half your life, being alone is gonna be kinda tough. Having shared your life with someone means that a lot of things changed. From the simple tasks of buying groceries to the more complicated of holiday/family time. Now that you're accustomed to planning for the life of two, going back to the life of one is a lot more difficult. Sometimes it's not hard to see why people end up being a serial monogamist.

Let's also address the period of time before you have to relearn being alone. Let's call it the adjustment period. Not only do you have to plan the funeral (or hopefully instructions will have been in the will), you also have to deal with the rest of the world. All the people who will come up to you offering their condolences when your own thoughts are difficult enough to handle without other people wanting conversation(or rather a reply of any kind). And those are just the people you know. What about the strangers? Just when you think you're managing the grief okay, the land line is gonna ring with some credit card person calling to ask whether your SO would be interested in their new platinum/gold/silver/bronze/someotherpreciousmetal card. Memories are then sparked as you try to tell the person on the other line that the person they're looking for is dead.

As you take baby steps back into the world of singledom, it also means sorting through their stuff. Their favourite Tshirt that they always wear despite the fact that it's so faded, their favourite book/game/hobby item or even just their pile of junk that they constantly promised to throw out. Are these things you will keep as memories or will it be easier to just let go?

You die first.
Now your SO experiences the situation above. Perhaps it might be easier to deal with if you were truly dead as a doornail having been buried six feet under (or cremated cause land isn't cheap) slowly decomposing away with no thoughts no feelings no memories. So you won't know about the suffering that your SO is going through.

On the other hand, what if you're up in heaven? Will you somehow remain ignorant of the fact that while you in a happy happy joy joy mood that your SO is being sad and alone down on Earth? But then, how can you be happy when the person you have loved for so long is not only not by your side, but also devastated by your death.

Also, would you want your SO to move on with their lives and be open to finding someone new. Or would you rather have them missing you everyday of their lives till the day you are both together again. In my opinion, this really depends on how long more they have left. If they're old and nearing the end, I'd hope for them to stay faithful to me/my memory. However if they still have a good number of years left (more than five), I'd be okay with them moving on if it makes them happy.

My choice?
Definitely me after. I'd rather not list my reasons for fear or seeming overly sentimental or weird.

P.S This is all under the assumption that you and your SO still love each other. Cause if you hate each other then clearly that is a different scenario altogether.

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strung along.

There usually is always a reason.

Sometimes the truth is simple, sometimes it is not.

You know the past, but choose to ignore it when making present decisions.

Honestly, it can still surprise me at times how a person's true personality does not exactly tally with the person they are in a crowd.

And here I thought that drama was a teenage thing.

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always thought.

Don't ask me what I'm gonna do.

Don't ask me who I want.

Don't ask me.

Cause honestly I don't know either. Just waiting for time to pass and for a decision to make itself.

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eager.

I will readily admit that I am social network addict.

Can barely go a day wanting to check facebook or twitter and now instagram.

However I sometimes do feel that there is such a thing as too much information. Last time, when you meet someone new for the first time, it took time and effort to get to know them better. Now, just add them on facebook and you have access to all their details. What they like, where they've been, who they hang out with. Everything is just a click away.

Then there is twitter which a lot of people seem to have mistaken as a personal diary. Yes I 'follow' you cause I want to know what's up with your life. What I do not want to know however is how pissed off you feel every single time or how sad you are because you got into a fight with your significant other.

Oh how technology has changed our lives.

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boing.

Having lived right opposite the playground when I was younger, I did spend a great deal of time there every evening.

One thing I liked and disliked about it were the see-saw's. The problem was that you always needed someone to go with you. So what happens if there are an odd number of kids in the playground that day? Well, either you don't go on the see-saw at all or you had to take turns. Hmph. And even if there was someone to go with you, you had to make sure they weren't too heavy or too light. Otherwise the see-saw wouldn't work out as well.

Once on the see-saw, I loved the going up part. I mean, who doesn't. It was the dreaded coming down part that I disliked, the thump when I would hit the tyre was painful. But then before you knew it, the pain was gone and you'd be on your way up again while the other person would be suffering.

Why am I talking about this? A bit random right? Talking about see-saws.

Well I was thinking how relationships are like see-saws. Yes perhaps not the most original thought but I still wanted to get it out nonetheless.

After all, in relationships, you'd need to find that one person who would just rightly balance you out. That when you've hit the low points in life will be able to bring you back up and vice versa. 

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tea.

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.

Run as you might from your past

It's never actually far behind

One day it will catch up

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sans.

How far technology has come. 

From times when connecting to the Internet required a cable making weird sounds to wireless Internet just about anywhere.

From phones that had no camera no colour no games other than memory and snake to touch screen phones with more features than you can use.

From silent movies in black and white to movies with too many special effects in 3D.

How far will technology go?

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wedding dress.

I don't know whether it's just me who thinks of this.

Scenario A:

A guy is in love with his girl best friend. Girl gets a boyfriend.

What happens?

Guy still continues to be close to her but never reveals his feelings. The girl never realises that her best friend is in love with her and so continues in her happy happy joy joy relationship.

Result?

Guy has a broken heart.

Scenario B:

A girl is in love with her guy best friend. Guy gets a girlfriend.

What happens?

Instead of revealing her feelings, she says nothing and slowly distances herself away from the guy. And the girlfriend gets jealous of all the time the girl and guy spend together.

Result?

Girl forgets about guy (Or at least tries to).

Don't know how accurate this is. But I think these things always happen in movies or books or videos. And we all know that somehow it's gotta be based on something real.

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leave of absence.

Interesting thought.

You know how in French 'I Love You' is Je t'aime?

Technically aime is the word for like. While amour is the word for love.

So why don't people just say J'amour??

Okay, while for those who know French will know that armour is a noun and therefore can't be used to express the feeling of love, wanna hear my reasoning? Yes I know my train of thought might not always be easy to follow but hey, I think it makes sense.

French is the language of love. Yet it's ironic how they technically say 'I Like You' instead of 'I Love You'. But I think they're smart that way. It may be deemed the language of love but in truth in reveals what love really is. Non existent. More likely that someone actually likes a person instead of being in 'love' with another person. No?

Oh well. I might change my opinion but I highly doubt so.

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everything out.

*READ THIS*

Yes I know it's dated 2005. But some advice never grows old. 

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

If only I could live by those lines. 

I wonder how many of us are actually pursuing something because we actually love it. Or because we think it'll bring us the most money or fame or make our parents happy. 

How different life would be if everyone did what they liked and not what parents said would be good for the future just because they have  'eaten more salt than you have eaten rice'. 

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couldn't resist.

Did you realize that for some strange reason, people always like 'good girls that go bad', but not 'good boys that go bad'?

Just my thoughts.

Anyways, here a video. Love it!!



I Make Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester. (Chair video).

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don't trust me.

I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing to be left out of conversations sometimes.

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for such a long long time.

You know who I think are the smartest people in the world??

The JAPANESE!!

Why?

Because they invented hair straightening.

If you all don't already know, I hate letting my hair down because it's so freaking thick that it looks like a lion's mane. No, I'm not kidding. So around form 2 my mum took me to straighten my hair. And I loved it!! Was suppose to go do it again last year but I was just so super lazy.

Well, since I had a week off school and no ballet till Friday, me and weng yan went to get our hair done. And even though it looks a bit flat now, I LOVE my hair so much more!!!!

Before. Retarded hair.

After. Nice straight un-mane like hair.

On another note, I've been so productive this holidays. I've gotten so much studying done that I think this is the most I've ever studied in my life.

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like two dolphins.

I was just browsing through some Twilight fansites yesterday and stumbled across twilightguy.com. It's about this guy who has started reading the Twilight saga as he wants to know why so many girls are hooked onto it. He's posting his thoughts up on each chapter and has made it to New Moon chapter 4 so far.

In one of his posts (epilogue of Twilight I think), he made a very good point/observation. He said that he realized that he's reading the book not to read a bout Bella or Edward or anyone else. It's to read about Bella AND Edward. And I realized that that's exactly the reason I read so many chick lit books. It's not for the guy I wish I'll meet or the girl I hope I'll be. Eventhough I'm sure alot of people (my sister for instance) would read a book just to read about the very perfect or not so perfect but nonetheless good guy and how he's so romantic, polite, thoughtful, smart etc, I read a book to see the progressing relationship/love between the two main love interests.

With so many love stories out there, it's no wonder that many of us have deluded ourselves into thinking that 'dreams do come true' or have completely given up on the idea of true love. Who ever created fairy tales must have been very evil. I can just imagine the person thinking 'Hmm, I wonder what'll happen if I make love sound so perfect with happy endings? Women would have high expectations and dreams that will be crushed when they find out that there is no such thing as the perfect guy. Men will feel the pressure from the significant other to live up to the perfect guy character from fairy tales. Muahahaha, what a wonderful plan to crush the hopes and dreams of so many!!!'

Okay, maybe it wasn't like that but I could just imagine it. Sometimes I wish I could stop myself from reading all these books so that I won't have unrealistic expectations of guys but I always find myself going back to read all the mushy love stories.

In the movie 'Becoming Jane'(a movie about Jane Austen's life), Jane meets with a famous female romance novelist who writes novels that are filled with passion and mystery. However when jane Austen meets her, the author is actually a quiet and shy woman. When asked how the author comes up with ideas, she replies "I write stories because it's everything my life is not."

So just like that, I guess I read because my life would probably never come close to the romance I read in books.








But on the other hand, most stories/legends/fairytales usually have some truth in them. So maybe, just maybe, true love like in the books must exist somewhere right?

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