incentive.

This may seem like a really strange blogpost/question, but just wanna get my thoughts out.

The question: Would you want to die before or after your significant other?

I don't mean now. But say in the future when you're both old and nearing the end. Someone will always have to go first. Unless you make a suicide pact (not recommended, someone might chicken out) or by chance you're both involved in a freak accident and die instantly (preferably not as I'd like to have some notice). Yes maybe I am a bit young to be thinking of such things, but that's just the way my mind works. Deal with it.

So if you had the choice, would you want to go first?

Let's look at both sides of the coin.

Your SO dies first. 
Where does that leave you? ALONE. That's where it leaves you. And while there's that ever popular quote that I've seen/used a lot "Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely", let's be honest here. If you and your SO have been together for more than half your life, being alone is gonna be kinda tough. Having shared your life with someone means that a lot of things changed. From the simple tasks of buying groceries to the more complicated of holiday/family time. Now that you're accustomed to planning for the life of two, going back to the life of one is a lot more difficult. Sometimes it's not hard to see why people end up being a serial monogamist.

Let's also address the period of time before you have to relearn being alone. Let's call it the adjustment period. Not only do you have to plan the funeral (or hopefully instructions will have been in the will), you also have to deal with the rest of the world. All the people who will come up to you offering their condolences when your own thoughts are difficult enough to handle without other people wanting conversation(or rather a reply of any kind). And those are just the people you know. What about the strangers? Just when you think you're managing the grief okay, the land line is gonna ring with some credit card person calling to ask whether your SO would be interested in their new platinum/gold/silver/bronze/someotherpreciousmetal card. Memories are then sparked as you try to tell the person on the other line that the person they're looking for is dead.

As you take baby steps back into the world of singledom, it also means sorting through their stuff. Their favourite Tshirt that they always wear despite the fact that it's so faded, their favourite book/game/hobby item or even just their pile of junk that they constantly promised to throw out. Are these things you will keep as memories or will it be easier to just let go?

You die first.
Now your SO experiences the situation above. Perhaps it might be easier to deal with if you were truly dead as a doornail having been buried six feet under (or cremated cause land isn't cheap) slowly decomposing away with no thoughts no feelings no memories. So you won't know about the suffering that your SO is going through.

On the other hand, what if you're up in heaven? Will you somehow remain ignorant of the fact that while you in a happy happy joy joy mood that your SO is being sad and alone down on Earth? But then, how can you be happy when the person you have loved for so long is not only not by your side, but also devastated by your death.

Also, would you want your SO to move on with their lives and be open to finding someone new. Or would you rather have them missing you everyday of their lives till the day you are both together again. In my opinion, this really depends on how long more they have left. If they're old and nearing the end, I'd hope for them to stay faithful to me/my memory. However if they still have a good number of years left (more than five), I'd be okay with them moving on if it makes them happy.

My choice?
Definitely me after. I'd rather not list my reasons for fear or seeming overly sentimental or weird.

P.S This is all under the assumption that you and your SO still love each other. Cause if you hate each other then clearly that is a different scenario altogether.

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take me down.

Exam time. Stress.

I'd like to think that I'm a person who deals with stress quite well and doesn't like freak out or anything.

However, I've realised that I do stress out. And it definitely does affect me. Mainly, it affects my appetite.

I remember leaving high school being slightly on the chubbier side. Not saying I was fat or anything, but considering my severe lack of height, I didn't look as skinny as I would have liked (typical girl who is never happy with her weight). So there I was, leaving high school at 51kg. Fine, that's not that heavy. But if you see me enough you'd realise that the first place that fattens up whenever I put on weight is my face. MY FACE IS A MOON. While it is the first place the weight goes, it is also the last place it leaves. Hence my face is always round.

Throughout the Alevel period, without even me noticing it, I lost quite a bit of weight. By quite a bit I mean that I was down to 45kg with no dieting or starving myself. It's just that my appetite decreased.

And today, I haven't felt hungry at all. I've consumed a total of four dark chocolate digestive biscuits, one stringcheese thing, one bowl of soup and now two "laiwong pao"s.

Sometimes I feel that I eat more out of habit rather than actually being hungry. 

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superheroes.

Just watched this last night and I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would.

Who knew watching an animated film about 'imaginary characters' would be so entertaining?

One thing that was important in the film was the concept of believing. Believing and having faith that somewhere out there were characters who would bring joy and wonder to all the little children in the world. That to children it was what keeps them childlike.

And that left me wondering, when do we grow up?

When is it that we realise that the world isn't all about sweet dreams and presents and fun? When do we give up on our dreams in pursuit of more 'practical' paths? 

I am pretty sure that there are little to no children out there who when asked "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" will answer with investment banker or accountant. These are jobs that have been created over time because someone decided that it'd be a great way to overcharge people for services that they could carry out themselves. 

When I was a kid, I used to have this book called "I want to be the President" I think. At one point in my life I would actually say that I wanted to grow up to be the President. Then as I grew up I thought it was impossible cause I wasn't American and also cause I was a girl. For some reason there was just this stigma that women couldn't be in roles of leadership cause it was meant to be the man's job.

While I'm pretty certain I wouldn't actually have wanted to be the President when I grew older, that is an example of how dreams of a child can be crushed so easily due to society's 'rules'. 'Rules' that say money is more important than being happy, that your reputation is more important than being honest to yourself. 

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snowman.

Caffeine kick.

I've never been one to say I must have a cup of coffee every morning. I know many people who need their caffeine kick in the morning before they do anything otherwise they just don't function well. But since I don't feel that caffeine affects me that much since I can still pretty much sleep soundly even after having a cup of coffee or multiple cups of tea, I never really understood this caffeine kick.

However, I think today is the first time ever I drank coffee because I was hoping for a caffeine kick. I had an exam in the morning and since I haven't been waking up early for the past weeks, I knew that it would be difficult for me to focus on the exam. So first thing I did was make myself a cup of coffee in hopes that it would jolt my brain awake for long enough.

And it worked! Caffeine takes about 45 minutes to kick in and is meant to last between 2-4 hours. My exam was at 9.45am and I think those numbers are more or less accurate as I had my coffee at half 8 and by the end of the exams I could feel that my brain had slowed down a little in comparison to the start of the exam where I wrote my essays pretty quickly.

Has this converted me to a daily coffee drinker though?

Nahh. Other than exams and assignments I don't think I need to give my brain that kick on a daily basis. Well at least not now, maybe when I start working.

If you're wondering how I prefer to take my coffee?

Black with two sugars.

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crystalise.

It can't get any better than this.

It can't get any worse than this.

Yet every time such thoughts cross my mind, it does get worse. It does get better.

The bad makes the good that much sweeter. Because the good times go by twice as quickly as the bad times so you gotta enjoy it as much as possible.

People have told me that university life is the best time of your life. There have also been others who would give anything to go back to being a teenager. Then there are those who long for the innocence of childhood.

Whether or not the best times of my life have gone by, I'm happy exactly as I am.

And hopefully continue to be for a long long time. 

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fast car.

Day 3

Sort of the last day as the next day was just us buying some chocolates and then going to the airport.

Day trip time! 

A return ticket to Bruges costs 14.40euros on a weekend but 24.50euros on a weekday. Not quite sure why a weekend ticket would be cheaper. Shouldn't they be charging more on weekends cause people travel more then?

Anyways, we only got in to Bruges around 12 cause obviously we did not leave early enough. Haha. Bruges is like a quaint little town though most of the people there were clearly tourists.

Fluffly swans near the canal. 

One thing I made sure to put on my list of must-dos in Belgium was to go for a brewery tour. And since we didn't go for any in Brussels, decided to go for one in Bruges which had really good reviews. It was 6.50euros which included a free beer. Super duper worth the money in my opinion.

Halve Maan brewery. The last brewery standing in Bruges. 

View from the roof of the brewery. 

No filter no photoshop and it still looks gorgeous.

#7 Their local beer. Nice and refreshing.

Our tour guide was really funny and had a great sense of humour. Some things I learnt from the tour:

1. Sparkling water is great for curing a hangover.

2. You do indeed get drunk faster on beer/wine (fermented alcohol) when compared to vodka and such (distilled alcohol).

3. The shape of the glass in which you drink your beer from makes a difference.

Getting to learn about the whole process of making beer makes me appreciate it much more because it is really quite an effort. 

Most of the places that were open for lunch pretty much served the same menu so we just settled for one that looked nice. It was 20euros for a starter (I had celery soup which was actually quite yummy), a main (1/2 roast chicken which I couldn't finish) and a dessert (peach melba). 

#8 Kasteel Blonde. Standard blonde really. 

One main attraction of Bruges is that they have Michelangelo's "Madonna and child" statue. However when we went to the church it's suppose to be in, it was closed. Boo. But I suppose seeing as it was 5pm and everything in Europe closes early it's understandable. Oh well.

We had been in Bruges for five hours now and we hadn't even reached the city centre. Talk about walking at a leisurely pace. It could also be due to the fact that we walked into almost every chocolate store we passed, which is practically every store on the road. Finally made it to Market square which is sort of like the city centre but not quite the city centre. 

Really liked the way the lights gave the 'yellow' tinge to the buildings. 

Market square is next to the actual city centre where the town hall is. However, since market square is surrounded by restaurants, it was more lively whereas the city centre was empty.

Town hall.

All the gold detailing. 

Since there wasn't much else in Bruges, we took the train back to Brussels and chilled while trying a little something we bought from the brewery earlier.

#9 Their new quadruple beer.

11% beer is no joke.

More like stout I'd say but it tasted nice. 

And that's about all there is to talk about my Belgium trip. 

A good break from the ho-hum of Manchester. 

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normalcy.

Onwards to

Day 2.

As much as I would like to start all my holiday mornings at 9am, I know realistically I have to allow for a one hour delay. Sure enough we only left the hotel at 10am.

The walls of the metro stations in Brussels are really quite interesting. Only snapped the walls of the stop Heyzel cause that's where we stopped off to see the Atomium. There was one particular station that had statues in the station instead which was creepy to say the least. 

Pretty metro stops. 

 I read somewhere that the government hoped that the Atomium would be to Brussels what the Eiffel Tower is to Paris. Where the moment you see the structure you immediately know where it comes from. Don't really think it's going to work with the Atomium as it is about half an hour away from the city centre by metro so unless you make the trip out, there is no way you'd be able to see it.

Really wanted to go in but the queue for tickets was just ridiculously long and we couldn't be bothered to wait an hour or so for it.

It's really massive.

As there was no straight metro to the next place we wanted to visit (Grand Sablon), we opted to just walk from the closest stop possible. Stumbled onto the Palais du Justice and spent a good half hour inside cause it was just so pretty and impressive. 

There was actually a lot of scaffolding but once you walked passed it this was the entrance. 

Would totally do my studying here.

Made our way to Grand Sablon but the antique market there wasn't open, most likely cause it was only a Friday. Boo. We did make a stop in Pierre Marcolini which was one of the more expensive chocolate makers to take a look. Didn't end up buying anything though. Had lunch is this restaurant which was 'cosy' to say the least but seemed to be frequented by locals so we knew to expect some decent food. 

#6 Hoegaarden. My favourite ever! A lot fruiter than I would like though. 

Shared the mussels with Audrey and even though we kept eating and eating, there always seemed to be more mussels at the bottom of the pot. A bit like magic. 

The sign says Fireworks. What kind of establishment it is, I can only guess. 

Walked to one of the major tourist attractions in Brussels which is the Mannekan Pis. The pissing boy. Considering it is a major attraction and that there were also so many people taking pictures in front of it, I expected something more than a tiny little statue with a fence surrounding the fountain. Too much hoo-ha for nothing. 

This was taken with a zoom and me sticking my arms through the fence. 

Back to Grand Place after that as the day view is different from the night view. I have to say I much prefer the day view cause you can see the detailing on the buildings. 

Rain rain go away. 

Best waffles at the tea room of Maison Dandoy. 

Super nice and fluffly. Bit on the pricey side though.

Also practically every table had a Brussels guidebook with them. Tourist central!

Went back to the hotel and just chilled watching tv while eating chips and chocolates (holidays are fattening days) cause the rain was really off-putting. Early night cause next day we were day-tripping the next day to Brugges and wanted to get an early start. 

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