This may seem like a really strange blogpost/question, but just wanna get my thoughts out.
The question: Would you want to die before or after your significant other?
I don't mean now. But say in the future when you're both old and nearing the end. Someone will always have to go first. Unless you make a suicide pact (not recommended, someone might chicken out) or by chance you're both involved in a freak accident and die instantly (preferably not as I'd like to have some notice). Yes maybe I am a bit young to be thinking of such things, but that's just the way my mind works. Deal with it.
So if you had the choice, would you want to go first?
Let's look at both sides of the coin.
Your SO dies first.
Where does that leave you? ALONE. That's where it leaves you. And while there's that ever popular quote that I've seen/used a lot "Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely", let's be honest here. If you and your SO have been together for more than half your life, being alone is gonna be kinda tough. Having shared your life with someone means that a lot of things changed. From the simple tasks of buying groceries to the more complicated of holiday/family time. Now that you're accustomed to planning for the life of two, going back to the life of one is a lot more difficult. Sometimes it's not hard to see why people end up being a serial monogamist.
Let's also address the period of time before you have to relearn being alone. Let's call it the adjustment period. Not only do you have to plan the funeral (or hopefully instructions will have been in the will), you also have to deal with the rest of the world. All the people who will come up to you offering their condolences when your own thoughts are difficult enough to handle without other people wanting conversation(or rather a reply of any kind). And those are just the people you know. What about the strangers? Just when you think you're managing the grief okay, the land line is gonna ring with some credit card person calling to ask whether your SO would be interested in their new platinum/gold/silver/bronze/someotherpreciousmetal card. Memories are then sparked as you try to tell the person on the other line that the person they're looking for is dead.
As you take baby steps back into the world of singledom, it also means sorting through their stuff. Their favourite Tshirt that they always wear despite the fact that it's so faded, their favourite book/game/hobby item or even just their pile of junk that they constantly promised to throw out. Are these things you will keep as memories or will it be easier to just let go?
You die first.
Now your SO experiences the situation above. Perhaps it might be easier to deal with if you were truly dead as a doornail having been buried six feet under (or cremated cause land isn't cheap) slowly decomposing away with no thoughts no feelings no memories. So you won't know about the suffering that your SO is going through.
On the other hand, what if you're up in heaven? Will you somehow remain ignorant of the fact that while you in a happy happy joy joy mood that your SO is being sad and alone down on Earth? But then, how can you be happy when the person you have loved for so long is not only not by your side, but also devastated by your death.
Also, would you want your SO to move on with their lives and be open to finding someone new. Or would you rather have them missing you everyday of their lives till the day you are both together again. In my opinion, this really depends on how long more they have left. If they're old and nearing the end, I'd hope for them to stay faithful to me/my memory. However if they still have a good number of years left (more than five), I'd be okay with them moving on if it makes them happy.
My choice?
Definitely me after. I'd rather not list my reasons for fear or seeming overly sentimental or weird.
P.S This is all under the assumption that you and your SO still love each other. Cause if you hate each other then clearly that is a different scenario altogether.
The question: Would you want to die before or after your significant other?
I don't mean now. But say in the future when you're both old and nearing the end. Someone will always have to go first. Unless you make a suicide pact (not recommended, someone might chicken out) or by chance you're both involved in a freak accident and die instantly (preferably not as I'd like to have some notice). Yes maybe I am a bit young to be thinking of such things, but that's just the way my mind works. Deal with it.
So if you had the choice, would you want to go first?
Let's look at both sides of the coin.
Your SO dies first.
Where does that leave you? ALONE. That's where it leaves you. And while there's that ever popular quote that I've seen/used a lot "Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely", let's be honest here. If you and your SO have been together for more than half your life, being alone is gonna be kinda tough. Having shared your life with someone means that a lot of things changed. From the simple tasks of buying groceries to the more complicated of holiday/family time. Now that you're accustomed to planning for the life of two, going back to the life of one is a lot more difficult. Sometimes it's not hard to see why people end up being a serial monogamist.
Let's also address the period of time before you have to relearn being alone. Let's call it the adjustment period. Not only do you have to plan the funeral (or hopefully instructions will have been in the will), you also have to deal with the rest of the world. All the people who will come up to you offering their condolences when your own thoughts are difficult enough to handle without other people wanting conversation(or rather a reply of any kind). And those are just the people you know. What about the strangers? Just when you think you're managing the grief okay, the land line is gonna ring with some credit card person calling to ask whether your SO would be interested in their new platinum/gold/silver/bronze/someotherpreciousmetal card. Memories are then sparked as you try to tell the person on the other line that the person they're looking for is dead.
As you take baby steps back into the world of singledom, it also means sorting through their stuff. Their favourite Tshirt that they always wear despite the fact that it's so faded, their favourite book/game/hobby item or even just their pile of junk that they constantly promised to throw out. Are these things you will keep as memories or will it be easier to just let go?
You die first.
Now your SO experiences the situation above. Perhaps it might be easier to deal with if you were truly dead as a doornail having been buried six feet under (or cremated cause land isn't cheap) slowly decomposing away with no thoughts no feelings no memories. So you won't know about the suffering that your SO is going through.
On the other hand, what if you're up in heaven? Will you somehow remain ignorant of the fact that while you in a happy happy joy joy mood that your SO is being sad and alone down on Earth? But then, how can you be happy when the person you have loved for so long is not only not by your side, but also devastated by your death.
Also, would you want your SO to move on with their lives and be open to finding someone new. Or would you rather have them missing you everyday of their lives till the day you are both together again. In my opinion, this really depends on how long more they have left. If they're old and nearing the end, I'd hope for them to stay faithful to me/my memory. However if they still have a good number of years left (more than five), I'd be okay with them moving on if it makes them happy.
My choice?
Definitely me after. I'd rather not list my reasons for fear or seeming overly sentimental or weird.
P.S This is all under the assumption that you and your SO still love each other. Cause if you hate each other then clearly that is a different scenario altogether.
